Coco Exposed Goji Berry Lychee

I have to say, I've been putting this review off for a while. This bottle has been sitting in the back of my fridge for a solid month now, and now that I'm out of other beverages, it is time to review this one. Not that I think that this is gonna make me blow chunks over my MacBook, but it just never looked that exciting to me. The bottle certainly doesn't pop off a shelf, and definitely not out of a stocked fridge. The flavor, you ask? It's just another infused coconut drink. This type of drink has grown on me though, so I think it'll be pretty good. My only concern? It is 15% Aloe Vera. Yes, the same green goo that you put on sunburn is in this bottle. Goji and Lychee, bring it on, but Aloe? What are we thinking?

Color: Light beer. (But if you happen to be under the age of 10? Apple juice!) With little shreds of fruit pulp floating in it. Ingredients say? Aloe Vera Pulp. I thought Aloe was a leaf! How is there pulp in a leaf?

Smell: Somewhere between bread and Buttered Popcorn Jelly Bellies. This smell seems to be the sign of fermentation, since the Kombucha I drank earlier smelled like this too. But, according to the ingredients, there isn't any yeast or live bacteria in this drink (or so I hope). The smell honestly makes me think the drink might have gone bad. We'll see.

Taste: Tastes exactly like how it smells. It starts off pretty well, actually. There is a nice citrus flavor present when the drink hits your mouth, but then, the whole experience heads south. As fast as that nice citrus flavor appears, it is replaced with an extremely bitter and almost rotten fruit flavor. Enter Lychee. Yup, this asian fruit is not for me. But that's only the start. After the Lychee fades, you are hit with another rotten flavor, which is much more earthy than the first. That must be the Aloe. And folks, when I say rotten, I don't mean gross, I mean the fruit in this drink was probably infested with maggots when it was juiced. Not to mention that the mouthfeel of the drink is ruined due to the Aloe Pulp. Never again, folks. Never.

Rating: *

Alright, I'll admit. I hated this drink. But I think it is one of those drinks that someone with the right palette could really enjoy. So, just because I didn't like it doesn't mean you won't. Try it out, and see what you think. You can find this one at your local Whole Foods or specialty market.

BodyArmor Tropical Mandarin

So, what I've caught on to is that if you want to sell beverages, you should add coconut water to your drink. Or at least, that's what it seems like. Anyway, BodyArmor is a new line of beverages to bear the coconut flavor, with 10% coconut water mixed in. My only question is why anyone would name a beverage company BodyArmor. Isn't that stuff made of steel? Whatever, this might be the drink that gets me off the string of abysmal beverages.

Color: Orange Gatorade. Or Tang. Yeah, the same Tang that went into space. Yup. Finally, a drink that isn't green.

Smell: Very orange. That's a good sign, affirming that the drink is actually natural. But there is another smell in there too, almost like a creamy scent.

Taste: It's one of the more interesting flavors I've tasted. Lots of tropical flavor in there, especially pineapple and mango. Then you get hit with some mandarin orange, as well. It has a nice tart flavor, which counters the sweetness nicely. And, if you are a coconut water fan, you'll be happy to know that you can taste the coconut. Not bad at all, actually. And it's pretty good for you too; the bottle has 100% or more of your daily value of 6 nutrients.

Rating: ****

It was pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty good. The best thing about it is all of the flavors mixing together. And, on a hot start to the Memorial Day weekend, it's pretty refreshing as well. I'd drink it again. That is, assuming I can find it again...

Columbia Gorge Coconut Water Celery Kale

Celery. Those myths that it burns calories? It does. Cool, right? I always thought so. I still don't like it, (except with my chicken wings) but here I am, drinking this. And then, there's Kale. I don't like that leafy green either. It has a bitter taste that I can't stand. And, you already know how I feel about coconut water. I mean, people! Celery, Kale, and Coconut, in the same bottle? Come on. America has taken health food too far. Go eat a Twinkie or two while I suffer through this one. (And yes, I support the Oxford comma.)

Color: It looks like split pea soup. Or toxic waste. Maybe I'll get superpowers! But really, this is only delaying the inevitable. We all know this will suck.

Smell: God awful. God awful. It smells exactly like what it is. And mixed with pepper. So, it is essentially liquid salad. Enjoy that thought, folks.

I'm so scared guys. Here goes nothing.

Taste: Oh god. It tastes like exactly what it's made of. Celery, Kale, and Coconut water. I took one sip and will not be taking another, for health reasons. It tastes peppery, and veggie-y. Really folks, it's just awful. Who thought this was a good idea? Who? OH GOD WHY IT IS SO FREAKING BAD!!! Even hippies that are obsessed with health and the benefits of veggies will hate this. Never buy this, ever.

Rating: *

The sadists at Columbia Gorge should be subjected to chugging a gallon of this. 'Nuff said. Excuse me while I sprint for an Arnold Palmer to clear this out of my system.

Zico Chocolate Coconut Water

Okay, so by now you've probably had coconut water. Even if you live in Canada, far from the tropics, companies like Zico and VitaCoco have made this exotic juice common. And normally, it comes mixed with something. If you've had it straight, you are a trooper. But that's besides the point. What I'm saying is that when it comes mixed, it is usually with something also tropical, like mango, or pineapple. But no. This is chocolate. And, yes, it has cream in it. Scared? Yeah. Time to pour!

Color: It is really just opaque brown. Like pudding brown. Not what I'd expect from something that is, in fact, coconut water. This has me concerned already.

Smell: Chocolate. Not coconut, but just chocolate. It is somewhere between hot chocolate mix and chocolate pudding jellybeans. But it smells like good chocolate, not artificial, so this is somewhat comforting.

Taste: It starts out really good. Like, a perfect chocolate jellybean in liquid form. That was awesome. But that only lasted a fraction of a second. You then are bombarded with the bitter taste of straight coconut water, a tough flavor to really verbalize, so I won;t try. And, unfortunately, that is the flavor that lasts after you drink it, not the good chocolate part. It isn't bad, it is just a really odd combination of flavors, and it isn't my favorite. That isn't saying you shouldn't try it; it was legitimately better than I expected it to be. The more I think about it, the more I like it, actually. And hey, it has more potassium than a banana. 

Rating: ***

It wasn't vile like I expected it to be, but it wasn't spectacular either. I won't reach for it over another flavor (except plain) any time soon, but I think this could be a good way to get people to try an otherwise strange type of juice. Worth a shot? Yes. Worth a second shot? Not for me. But you decide.